I'm upset, tired and stressed. I supposed I embarked on a project that was massive for me to even complete. Even with SY's help, I still fell very short.

Truth be told, I'm so afraid to make him upset. The project was set at his place due to him having to cater to his family's dinner platter thing. Besides his platter (which consisted of 4-5 items), I had Gingerbread Trees and Couples and also chocolate truffles to do. He helped me a lot so that was nice. Yet still I didn't complete, worst still was that some random brand sugar totally destroyed my items which we spent a week doing. It's alright in taste, but still I don't feel good giving it to people because it's not quality. Sigh.

Perhaps this is why sometimes I don't enjoy doing things at people's houses. It shows you who you really are and you discard that facade you worked so hard to build. In this case, I'm afraid of upsetting or angering SY. Which I have managed to do already, but he only told me the day after it happened and I suspected it all along (I shouldn't have done what I did, and I knew it). But last night was the worst. With lack of sleep and zilch concentration, I fell asleep at the dining room table after the "destroyed by random sugar brand tree" incident. When I woke however, SY's face seemed black. In senarios like this, automatically I'd assume that it was me, because after all, it was my project. I apologized and he was like, no it's not your fault and all. I'm still scared really. Never again will I want it to go back to the way it was previously, whereby I thought he would never speak to me again. Speaking of which, He hasn't spoken to me today.

Somehow or another, I feel as if I'm using this to mask what I truly feel. Perhaps all along I've been hiding my feelings because I don't know how people's going to react to it. Would it be acceptable to be angry or upset infront of other people? I don't know, maybe it's been such a long time since I came to terms with what I really feel. *shrugs. And this is only part of the story. Which I will continue later after I've read the Catalogue magazines that Vani has just passed to me.