i still remember that day when you flushed all my weed and cigarettes down the drain. that was a struggling fight that i had to fight for. but it was bad for me. that's why you did it. as great as this analogy goes, i want it back. i want everything that was bad for me back. my system urges for it. if the world constantly puts me back into that place, maybe im the one that is wrong and i shouldnt be so naive that i can change the world with my own morals, beliefs and opinions. it could possibly be life's way of steering me back to the way i was before. i thought i was a better person. but guess not. bring it on. i did it once, i can do it again.
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just a thought in the shower. that i think everyone in the world is in denial about something. unable to face the truth. the real truth. they create this barrier around themselves to block and repel what they don't wanna know and face. slowly they became barricaded in this shadow, and get comfortable. and as they familarize with these false truths, they start to self destruct. all the time, every time, they try to find excuses and lies to tell their little voices inside that the prior idea that they had before was right. they wont let anything else in. because everyone's mind is a little world of their own within the universe. and humans like to control. their mind, and ideas, and decisions is the only thing that an individual can grasp. that is the only thing, because to tell you the truth, whether you like it or not, the world doesnt revolve around you, you just live in it. everything changes around you. to some people, i might be disturbing your mindsets, but i am too allowed to speak my mind. that is my decision. everyone is in some sort of denial. and the opposite to that is not to accepting the truth, or fact or anything. because what is the truth? who knows what the truth really is? who determines that? so the answer is to have hope. hope will never label a sentence as right or wrong. hope will give you the freedom of thinking of that you want to, and provide an imaginary safety net that the statement may not prevail. there. done. i just had these thoughts randomly sitting here.
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this is my world. i can do whatever i want in it. let whoever i want into it. but that's not all there is. i look below my feet and there is another world. another dimension that contains nothing i desire for. in my world, i can control everything that goes on there. every breeze and how long it lasts is in my hands. iam not trying to be this god of this place. but only to be free and in control of my own actions and movement. i want to be the god of myself. im currently living in your world. abandoning this place will leave you no reason for survival. because iam apart of what you control. if one day, you realize, that iam not within your empowerment anymore, this world of yours will disfunction, and break down. we're interconnected on dependency. however, your world will die and salvage. and that's when a whole new world begins.
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i guess i should learn the rest of the song. ahha but it came on randomly and i just couldnt stop singing it. it was like he entranced me to sing along with him! how crazy is that?! this time. it's featuring charlie. p.s to holly, haha i changed my mind last minute. Hold on little girl Show me what he's done to you Stand up little girl A broken heart can't be that bad When it's through, it's through Fate will twist the both of you So come on baby come on over Let me be the one to show you I'm the one who wants to be with you Deep inside I hope you feel it too Waited on a line of greens and blues Just to be the next to be with you
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forced to grow. but after you bloom, you will still remember which way the wind came from. with a little taste of reality, you grow towards the sunlight. compelling to reach up for the energy. below, millions are trying to catch up. unprepared, try and muster what you've got and run. dont let them get you. it's all in the name of the game. eye of the tiger soldier. stuck in the mud, and everything around you moves so much faster. brush off the dust and get with the cycle. life's not waiting for you.
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i felt like singing today. it's been a good day, so let's hope it stays that way. hey there. everybody. =) im so queer. muahaha
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when you have something you want to say, but you can't tell anyone or anything. let someone else do it for you. put on 20 pounds of clothes. put on your headphones. close the door. pretend you're the biggest star in the galaxy. and just explode in your own stardom. pulling off layers as you go. burst off the weight. and let the energy transform into the words you wanna scream. be it loud. be it whispers. much too many are not said. just take it off. bare to care, the skin you're showing. the cells on your face will tell each story. create this energy and burn the carpet. do it until it hurts and you're on your knees. beggin for mercy. but you just cant stop, until the songs over. you'll find it in between each drum beats and strum. pause for dramatic effect and... let it all go again. [2 drinks and a whole shit load of great music blasting in your ears will get to you this point, where i stand alone]
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drug addiction. submerged since i was fourteen. unable to tell. black and white. truth or lies. jenna fischer to amy adams. infant to seniority. life or death. obeying their orders. blood shot eyes keep bleeding as i take this step. clean. disorder. plain and new. still bleeding. i say, "excuse me, mind your own business." alternate type of addiction. a sickness so the rope burns my palms. and it feels so good just to hold onto something. once more. im blinded. let me continue to hold on. this sick addiction wont let me off that easily.
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this is first of the best moments of 2009!!! [[i love METRIC and BILLY TALENT for life!!!!]] CLICK HERE ^ to go to my flickr and see the rest of the photos from EDGEFEST 2009!!! p.s my phone died because it fell in the mud. but i resuscitated it after. so the band i missed filming was billy talent . life's all good =)
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i used to love the nightlife. i love the lights and the noise. but now it's become something i run away from. i try to just put my head under those covers, and dream away from it. leave me unconscience please, cause i dont wanna deal with the moon. everynight, at a certain period of time, the ghosts will creep up on me and whisper in my ear, telling me things i dont wanna know. stop following me around. why do you have to make everything so complicated? so hard? just let the people go, and shine on the other side of the world. days have become the new moon. keep me up and keep me moving. i just dont wanna think about dreams.
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sitting in my car waiting for the call, i laugh along. walking behind the crowd, i sing along. i dont know why i put a a smile on. when there a monster inside me. cage it in, shake it out, push it away, brush it off. i put on a smile for the one who don't matter. close my eyes and grin my pearly whites. the lines on my face spell take me away. wishing next time i see you wont be the same.
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always thought that dreams told me the truth, but who knew it was lie to me in such a great way. dreaming of lovely moments with you, and never noticed that they were rocking our setting. so fucked up, i cant even see behind the scenes. let it all out and let it spill. lies everywhere. please pinch me. i guess i dont understand why they would lie me... never push the big red button. never ever and in this dream, it never existed. but.... today, i just exploded. oh so twisted
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Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol that is all i need, to make my perfect world. perfect world exists, only in my dreams. my dreams consists of, nightmares and the voice. i dont mind being, in a nightmare now, because i know i'll wake up from it, and i can look over my shoulder, again, and see you there. or imagine you're are. Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol please bring me into a nightmare, one so bad where i can't wake up. until im strong enough to, realize you were never there.
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