i wish i lived in simpler times. where i would just need to care about personal safety. and survival. like war times. i would just need to care about.. my life. because what's so great about living when you dont care about living.
Less

yea.so.one.of.the.worsedays.of my life. for over 10 yrs, i have been trying to do all i cant to make this house a little more bareable to live in. but i seriously cant do it anymore. like why do you have to make everything such a big deal ? you think we owe you for your support. but no that is not correct. to support us is humane, morals, your job, your responsibility. that is the leave you can do. but as a parent, a mentor, an inspiration, an educator, a caregiver, a mother, you have failed. as i was a child i had to take care of myself. broken promises i will always wake up with you leaving me. you began to leave me with bigger and angrier monsters. waiting and praying for you to come home soon to save me. that is how i learned how to read time. but you would never be ontime. even when you were back, the nightmare was over and shut. now im older, and this is how you treat me? i do things for myself and you beat me for it. you chase my down the street. barefeet. not realized what a fool you have made of youself. seeing you cry is not my weakness. i do not have a weakness for you anymore. if you are an adult, you need to be one. and let me be one. that slap on the face just fuelled me more. i have no love for you or for this god damn place. i quit.
Less

listen to your people. listening to their loud messages, what are they trying to tell you? you hold these gigantic meetings to talk about how to solve problems, but dont you see that the answer is right in front of you. you dont ask about what the people want. the people you work for. the people who gave you this position. pay your respects, at least. and not hurt them. if you look and listen carefully, they were NOT trying to hurt anybody. but to truly make a statement for you to see. obviously, people wouldnt come to such measures to gather your attention. yes, there were some a little offside, however it is your job to ''serve and protect". who are you serving? who are you protecting? please review these questions in your head before you act. innocent people were also affected during this time. people who were just in the streets in the wrong time, people wearing the wrong clothes within the wrong crowd. hurt and then detained. hypocrisy of the system. you cant blame them for their actions, we have rights, as you had the right to choose your passion and job. the city is now darkened, no matter how much you board up the windows, and repaint the walls, we will remember the damage that has been done. we wont forget the ignorance of our leader. i myself lost today, lost faith in the city of toronto. i hope those brave voices who were hurt will regain their strength once again to stand up and come forward peacefully once again. they might not understand your means, but it will follow through.
Less

have you ever put so much effort into something, so hard and so long that your life was on the line? and in the end, and then realizing you failed it. dissappointment. have you ever had to listen to two people argue about something so useless, and meaningless you want to scream at them? but you cant cause you are in no position to say anything? frustrated. have you ever wanted to speak up about something but never could, just to avoid the conflict and the aftermath of it? ignorance. have you ever wanted to yell so loud for no reason? hoping that no one will hear you and tell you to shut up, but if they do, you have the right to punch them in the face. anger. have you ever tried to get someone's attention even then they are right in front of you? then to realize, that you'll never be the centre of their eye. jealousy. have you ever felt so lonely that even when you're with your best buddies, in a room full of people, at a party, you still keep an eye at the door cause you're waiting for someone to walk through the door? lonliness. have you ever felt so useless that there is no more meaning to any action you do? just a daily consumer, a waste of space and time. agonizing. have you ever felt so confused that everything wrong seems to be right? you dont care how people feel cause whatever you think is right, and that's what matters. puzzled. have you ever wanted to cry really hard for no apparent reason? but you decide not to because you realize it's a stupid reason. breathe. i have. daily.
Less

once born, we take the first gasp of air. this large invisible sack that fills our lungs, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's necessary inhale, exhale and the rhythm goes on. but i've noticed that life is counted by the repetitions. as are born as consumers, even to consume things which we cannot see. we must have everything. knowledge, power, love, acceptance. not in any particular order but just to illustrate how much we seek things that should seek us. when we are scared we take in another sack, when we fall in love, another, when we search for courage, another, all this taking and not enough giving back. puzzling me. have you never noticed how good a deep breath feels? to take in something and give it right back ten fold. the feeling doesn't come from the oxygen you're intaking. but the ability to let that go. try it, which feels better? by the time we die, we let go of everything that we have held ever so closely to us. we dont end our lives with an inhale, finally we feel good about ourselves because we have no more weight. how ironic is this? we are born to take in everything but never enough to make us truly happy. only when we learn to let go of what we care about gives us full pleasure. death and all his friends.
Less

just a thought in the shower. that i think everyone in the world is in denial about something. unable to face the truth. the real truth. they create this barrier around themselves to block and repel what they don't wanna know and face. slowly they became barricaded in this shadow, and get comfortable. and as they familarize with these false truths, they start to self destruct. all the time, every time, they try to find excuses and lies to tell their little voices inside that the prior idea that they had before was right. they wont let anything else in. because everyone's mind is a little world of their own within the universe. and humans like to control. their mind, and ideas, and decisions is the only thing that an individual can grasp. that is the only thing, because to tell you the truth, whether you like it or not, the world doesnt revolve around you, you just live in it. everything changes around you. to some people, i might be disturbing your mindsets, but i am too allowed to speak my mind. that is my decision. everyone is in some sort of denial. and the opposite to that is not to accepting the truth, or fact or anything. because what is the truth? who knows what the truth really is? who determines that? so the answer is to have hope. hope will never label a sentence as right or wrong. hope will give you the freedom of thinking of that you want to, and provide an imaginary safety net that the statement may not prevail. there. done. i just had these thoughts randomly sitting here.
Less

this is my world. i can do whatever i want in it. let whoever i want into it. but that's not all there is. i look below my feet and there is another world. another dimension that contains nothing i desire for. in my world, i can control everything that goes on there. every breeze and how long it lasts is in my hands. iam not trying to be this god of this place. but only to be free and in control of my own actions and movement. i want to be the god of myself. im currently living in your world. abandoning this place will leave you no reason for survival. because iam apart of what you control. if one day, you realize, that iam not within your empowerment anymore, this world of yours will disfunction, and break down. we're interconnected on dependency. however, your world will die and salvage. and that's when a whole new world begins.
Less

tonight, i watched a movie because i was down about the upcoming weeks to home. i decided to watch "eternal sunshine of a spotless mind". it is a story about a couple (joel and clementine) who had a wonderful long term relationship. clementine was not happy and decided to erase her memory of joel. now that joel is a stranger to her, joel decides to erase his memory too to relieve the pain. he undergoes a procedure which goes through each memory of clementine and deletes it, where it may be good or bad memories. during the process, his unconcious self realizes that he does not want to forget clementine at all. so he tries to put her into memories that she did not belong to before, like his childhood, therefore they cant erase the memory of her. the procedure continued to erase his memory. joel, being a very passive with a routined man, wakes up on valentines day and just felt like he shouldnt go to work. instead, he jumps on board to another train impulsively and heads to Montauk, where clementine told him to meet. ------------- when something true happens, no matter how much you try to manipulate it, change it, nothing will change. all the best memories are between 2 people. no one can take that away from you. no one can steal that identity from you. tell me where, and i'll meet you there.
Less

they want you to be something you're not. something you were never meant to be. something you were never cut out to become. they do not want good, they want greatness. they salvage on perfection. all because your success will become their claim. thieves steal your treasure. vultures on your back. blood suckers at most. imagine if i was you. the things i would tell to your face too. take it. and leave it. im just gonna be me.
Less

forced to grow. but after you bloom, you will still remember which way the wind came from. with a little taste of reality, you grow towards the sunlight. compelling to reach up for the energy. below, millions are trying to catch up. unprepared, try and muster what you've got and run. dont let them get you. it's all in the name of the game. eye of the tiger soldier. stuck in the mud, and everything around you moves so much faster. brush off the dust and get with the cycle. life's not waiting for you.
Less

i cant go one day. just one day! without wanting to punch you in the face. fuck guy, open your eyes and see who you're dealing with now. look around you and observe how the world works. times have changed, so if you evolve with it, no one can help you anymore. consider this an extreme warning like how ive always warned you. shut up! and leave me alone!
Less