it was so hard. this is so painful. is there any other way to put this into words. apart of me doesnt even wanna talk about it or think about it anymore. there are no words to explain how i feel about you anymore. you and i both know how this goes. and how this will go. please never apologize to me. it hurts me when you do because that is when i know that you cant do anything to make the situation better, for either of us. we need to think about what we need/want for our futures. and if im not in yours, then im not. ive told you numerous times on what my feelings are and i do not have to repeat them again. my actions show a lot than my words. and i would do anything for you. none of this was a lie. i spent everyday wishing the same thing, trying to build a future for us, but i guess somethings just dont go as they planned. i dont want to force you into something that will torture you. and i know you dont want to do the same for me. come to think of it, this is extremely cruel and ironic because what we want is to be together, but to be together would be torture? make sense? i dunno, this is shitty as i said, we'll see what happens.

"true love storys never have endings." - richard bach
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wow so the new decade has already turned one. and just like last year, i had have alot of people to thank. im not going to repeat that list again, because its the same group of people. of course i think that this is quite a good thing because my relationship with these people have grown stronger and will just continue (i believe for now). however, i do strongly stamp 2010 as one of the most craziest years of my life. so many things has happened, it was just eventful. that would be the best term to describe it as. january - i cant forget blue mountain. with the university mates. all the memories, the laughter, the alcohol. the falling, the jokes, the moments live on. i also got my snowboarding gear, which was the beginning of this wonderous sport in my life. february - well i turned twenty. 2 decades of life has went by. and who can forget.....WINTER OLYMPICS!!! GO TEAM CANADA!! march - crash time. the planning starts for my trip to PHILIPPINES. april - PHILIPPINES 2010. perfect. precious. love. memories. food. fun. awesomeness. just absolutely pure happiness. *hearts may - summer school of university. plant and restoration ecology. perfect courses for the tree hugger. june - back to keyman. making the money. thunderstorms, earthquakes, tornados, flash floods in toronto. canada is in trouble. FIFA world cup!! july - beaches, sunshine, warmth FIFA world cup ends - spain won. whilst i was rooting for the germans. the queen monster LADY GAGA live!! august - meeting up with bernie and leah. toronto tour. also a scar for life was made on my wrist. (its very misleading). i got a blackberry and loving it. september - back to see all my uni mates!!! october - halloween madness. nuit blanche! SCREEMERS! november - the hell of school begins. never had i had less sleep in my life and more time at school. --- the beginning of the plans and thoughts of moving out. saw sara bareilles live!!! december - goodbye FES! took my last classes in university, completing my degree! .... moments of death at work. ending it off with snowboarding at blue mountain with the girls. and a first time MUSHER. dog sledding!! --- ONE OF THE BEST YEARS EVER. NEVER FORGET YOU 2010. YOURE LIKE AN OLD FRIEND TO ME. FAREWELL. ID LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON.---
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Sit here and listen to the rain It falls so loud on my window pain Sometimes drowning me Its like a flood I wish the weather would lift me I wish it could Abandon ship before its too late Or all this love Ive got will turn into pain, You’re not so very far away But I feel more distant with each passing day I’m alone I’m the fire and youre the flame Feeling put out, whose to blame? Still I find myself misplaced Lost in someone else I feel erased ___ im alone. even though i know im not, i do feel that i am. you tell me iam not, but who can really understand how i feel and totally realize what i want. and not think that iam a crazed idiot who is just asked for obscurity. so that is what i do, sit here and listen to the rain. a light shower sounds like hail against my window. everything becomes so loud. i cover my ears so can block off all the noise, but how can it be when it is coming from the inside. my heart screams. and only the weather who is able to take me away from here is my only resort. should i abandon this ship? or wait til i get hurt? .... feel as if everything is vanishing before my eyes.
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have you ever put so much effort into something, so hard and so long that your life was on the line? and in the end, and then realizing you failed it. dissappointment. have you ever had to listen to two people argue about something so useless, and meaningless you want to scream at them? but you cant cause you are in no position to say anything? frustrated. have you ever wanted to speak up about something but never could, just to avoid the conflict and the aftermath of it? ignorance. have you ever wanted to yell so loud for no reason? hoping that no one will hear you and tell you to shut up, but if they do, you have the right to punch them in the face. anger. have you ever tried to get someone's attention even then they are right in front of you? then to realize, that you'll never be the centre of their eye. jealousy. have you ever felt so lonely that even when you're with your best buddies, in a room full of people, at a party, you still keep an eye at the door cause you're waiting for someone to walk through the door? lonliness. have you ever felt so useless that there is no more meaning to any action you do? just a daily consumer, a waste of space and time. agonizing. have you ever felt so confused that everything wrong seems to be right? you dont care how people feel cause whatever you think is right, and that's what matters. puzzled. have you ever wanted to cry really hard for no apparent reason? but you decide not to because you realize it's a stupid reason. breathe. i have. daily.
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Just think of this and me as just a few of the many things to lie around, to clutter up your shelves. And I wish you weren't worth the wait cause there's some thing's I'd like to say to you... And I don't think that you know what you've been missing 'Cause I don't think that you know what you've been missing And I dare you to forget the marks you left across my neck, from those nights when we were both found at our best. Now I could make this obvious, and you, you could deny meall in one breath. you could shrug me off your shoulders... And I don't think that you know what you've been missing. 'Cause I don't think that you know what you've been missing. And I don't think that you know I said I don't think you know I said I don't think you know what your missing. Hey, lush, have fun It's the weekend Hey, lush, have fun I don't think that you know what you've been missing. I don't think that you know what you've been missing. Just forget me it's that simple Just forget me it's that simple [yeah its one of those moments when she cant find the words to describe what's going on, or how they feel. so the alternative is to look into songs. guess what? im one of the lucky ones who did. every word of this is what im feeling right now or these days in fact. thanks band i-listen-to-from-time-to-time. to be honest, i didnt even realize it until the end. while i was sitting in that lab alone. then the last words of the song captured my attention. im also trying to look past the obvious.] its been 28 days.
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it was a grand place to be. it was warm and loving. it was all knowing and exciting. it was easy but very difficult to reach. it was open and carefree. it was scary the first time. it was confusing at times. most times. it was quiet inside, but very loud outside. or sometimes, it was loud inside, blocking the noise outside. it was an adventure, an exploration, into an abyss of someone else's world. it was new and bright. it was fast and short. it was realizing the smaller things. it was seeing the bigger picture. it was you. and it was me. it was we. it was it was. now im back. from flight CX907
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we are the runaways. perfectly titled for us. so put on your best sneakers, cause it's gonna be a long way. there's no telling how far we'll go, to get what we want. what do we want? i have no fucking clue, but im sure it'll be the most amazing time to find that out with you. something we must do. i have your back, and you have mine. we'll carry each other along. you run, and i'll run with you too. this entire wild journey will leave us gasping for air. take my breath away will you? crimson and clover.
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im just mad at myself, for not keeping to my promise. i didnt want to do this to you. especially not so quickly once again. am i the most horrible person in the world? yes. i admit it. time and time again i open my big fat mouth and i just say the wrong things at the wrong times. maybe you're right, no one should ever listen to me. dont take me serious, or else you'll be damned. who knows what will happen with my words next. no im not trying to sound powering or anything, but it's just nothing ever goes right. does this compensate for the things that i should be saying out loud? instead of saying the things i shoud, i blockade them with things i shouldnt and i take the consequences into my own hands. i swore on it. i swore on everything that i believed it. i believe in tunes, and right now, i absolutely detest the song piercing into my drums. i can only pick out things i dont wanna hear. she sings ''she will love you more than i could, she who dares to stand where i stood". good job. so much for being better than the next, when you're the monster. no. dont cry, (words of encouragement). because you've been through worse, but this just hurts the most. no longer can i look into your big brown eyes, sleek black hair without feeling like a giant disappointment. i swore on everything i believe in. everything is gone, but i cant possibly let the one last thing i belive in go.
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a baker was entering his kitchen to check on his batch of steamy caramel. ''stir faster!" he yells at his nervous sous chef with a biscuit in his mouth. nervous little sous chef was startled and dropped his biscuit into the vat of caramel. now the baker got so frustrated by his assistant's clumsiness, he went mad and poured the rest of the already-made chocolate into the mixture. after venting out his anger, as all good cooks do, lick their fingers... YUM! says the baker. its milk chocolate coating is the protection layer for the key ingredients inside which make it so delectable and unique. gooey caramel is too sticky on its own. crunchy biscuits are too dry on its own. but only together can they excite the world's tastebuds. even though when there is heat, and inside the gold foil, it seems like a war has erupted, everything is still sweet. i know for a fact, whenever im missing you, i can find a golden ticket to you. being a lone ingredient is can never make a recipe. i sincerely thank the one who mashed these two worlds together and created the greatest adventure of my life. there is always a thought of how certain things are created. and truthfully, i think 99% of things are created simply by accidents. and to make it good, coincidence. as most stories go, "i dont know how it happened, but one thing led to another and it just happened." everything occured so quickly, that not even you and i can fully understand what happened. but no one questions it when something great happens. twix is so good, it's never enough to have just one. let the adventure go on and on, and never end. iam willing to share my adventure with you.
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how do i let you know i miss you so? scream until oxygen fills my lungs once again. im cold and empty. how do i make up for lost time? hold on tight until we are the only ones around. im losing touch. how do i know you will be coming back? keep burning until there is nothing left. im falling apart. but until then, i will keep loving you the way i always have. you are right there in the centre of it all, and im giving you all of me.
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a lonesome cardinal was sitting on a tree, waiting for the right time to flee. just as it was about to spread its wings, a beautiful blue songbird landed and started to sing. entranced by her, cardinal decided to stay to right there. mid summer july, cardinal still listens right on by. now, the weather is changing, the little red bird had realized something. songbird has saved a soul with her tunes. saving many faces of the moon. never will i lose faith again. because you are my miracle. all you did was save my life. my life is indebted to you. this day marks the day, the day i first called you my love, mr. mercury sings "somebody to love". we are not fancy people, we do not need diamonds and limosines, because we already have the rarest gift of all. as the clouds above are my witness, i will always listen to the songbird sing. mahal kita.
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you are 3 galaxies away. but it do you hear the distant voices whispering? they are reminding you that you're getting close to home. to me. we're on this impossible mission, but our moose like skulls keeps us going forward. put on a helmet and follow us. because this is going to be tough. nothing great comes easily in life. yes, we maybe at opposite ends. and the meridian is unreachable, untouchable, possibly unthinkable. but no matter how distant you are, how far you may seem to the naked eye, you will always be right next to me. in my heart. that is what matters. let me revolve around you now. and make you my center, my core, my everything. can you hear the distant voices whispering? can you feel my heart beating?
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dedicated to you. ily.
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throw a penny down the well, and i get a splash then ripples. clap my hands together and make a wish with all my might. all my thoughts are poured out into the well ever since that night. with you. you have become my wishing well, the peak of a mountain, the space of the ocean, the silence of the rain. as everything sinking into a bottomless pit, i know that you are on the other end. catching all my pennies, wishes, and thoughts. even if i get caught, it was all worth a shot. they all say it is impossible. but i will know that you exist on the other side. the taste, the touch. it might sound a little silly but, everyday i drop a penny into the well, and this lead me to you. no longer does it matter how far you are. nor the amount of time we get to spend together. because inside me, there is a well where i can fall into. something very true. [for mosquito]
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would you stay up with me and count the words i type? the words i type for you expressing my feelings? the feathering feelings i have for you not realizing you are too fast. too fast for me to catch up to. to catch your visions and heart and grasp it closely. close enough to taste the skin. naked skin to make me feel so empty without you. so please slow down. and allow me to type these feelings for you before you go. would you stay?
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if you were to leave, i would feel empty inside. praying for that saint to bring you back to me. if you were to leave, i would not cry, never to make you worry, make a fist and hold in my beats. if you were to leave, i would let you go. hide in your shadows, and guide the rest of you ways, and sing the songs you love.
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as i walk along this endless path, i come up with ways to see that alluring face once again. what is the difference today? what is making my eyes close as if, something has forced the lights to turn down and bring me back into a dream. it's coming down from up above my head. it sprinkles down like rain, it sparkles bright like glitter, it the gift you always wanted, that was too big to put in a box with a bow. stardust is all around. on the ground, on the rim on my glasses, on the tip of our noses, just leave me your stardust to remember you by. and at the end of this pathway, i'll bring you to your dreams and such. your star awaits you. happy valentine's day and happy one month! =)
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what can i say, as fromage as it may, love is surely blind. in the back of my mind, is the image of your hand in mines. even with sun in my eyes, or when the clouds are filling the skies, i can and will always find my way to you. whispering softly cheek to cheek, so close, looking at you is like taking a little peek, it is the warmth of your kiss, which keeps my fire burning bright. it is you who i really miss, may i hold you tight every night? another day goes by, another thought of you crossed my mind. as the clock turns, and hours tick, i await for the sun meet the moon, so it can strike me blind. and experience the new kiss in the sun, all over again.
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your eyes radiates goodness. just like the sun after a thunderstorm. it brings out the beauty in life. as simple as one small gesture is, that is all it takes to make everything worth while. the storm is hitting hard at where i stand. but knowing that the warmth of your smile is still behind the clouds, i can still stand strong against the harshest storms.
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Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol that is all i need, to make my perfect world. perfect world exists, only in my dreams. my dreams consists of, nightmares and the voice. i dont mind being, in a nightmare now, because i know i'll wake up from it, and i can look over my shoulder, again, and see you there. or imagine you're are. Nicotine valium vicodine marijuana ecstacy and alcohol please bring me into a nightmare, one so bad where i can't wake up. until im strong enough to, realize you were never there.
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彩虹 作詞：周杰倫　 作曲：周杰倫 哪裡有彩虹告訴我　能不能把我的願望還給我 為什麼天這麼安靜　所有的雲都跑到我這裡 ※有沒有口罩一個給我　釋懷說了太多就成真不了 　也許時間是一種解藥　也是我現在正服下的毒藥 ＃看不見你的笑我怎麼睡得著　你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到 　沒有地球　太陽還是會繞　沒有理由　我也能自己走 ＊你要離開　我知道很簡單　你說依賴　是我們的阻礙 　就算放開　但能不能別沒收我的愛　當作我最後才明白 - this song tells everything i want to say better than i can. thanks jay chou. cant believe you made me tear up. 距離 (我不配) 作詞：方文山　 作曲：周杰倫 這街上太擁擠　太多人有秘密　玻璃上有霧氣在被隱藏起過去 妳臉上的情緒　在還原那場雨　這巷弄太過彎曲走不回故事裡 這日子不再綠　又斑駁了幾句　剩下搬空回憶的我在大房子裡 電影院的座椅　隔遙遠的距離　感情沒有對手戲妳跟自己下棋 還來不及仔仔細細寫下妳的關於 描述我如何愛妳　妳卻微笑的離我而去 ＃這感覺　已經不對　我努力在挽回 　一些些　應該體貼的感覺　我沒給 　妳嘟嘴　許的願望很卑微　在妥協 　是我忽略　妳不過要人陪 ＊這感覺　已經不對　我最後才了解 　一頁頁　不忍翻閱的情節　妳好累 　妳默背　為我掉過幾次淚　多憔悴 　而我心碎妳受罪　妳的美　我不配
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dont hate me. it's selfish, but it's for the greater good. and to forget, harsh words maybe out in place. to have a reason to do so. at first, the reason is for you. because to forget you, you being okay, needs to be a fact. and now that is passed. i need to work on self reflection. don't hate me. because im wondering if im lying. lying about my sanity. there are moments, when your image pops in front of my eyes, when your voice echoes in the back on my head. but, having these thoughts are not going to bring you back. because you are gone. nothing is within my control. because your needs are more important than mine.
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in here is the letter of your confessions, your final decision. only you know what is best for yourself. your letter will be kept dearly. like a little package inside my heart. within the creases, there are some last memories of you. you were always full of questions. but, all the blanks are filled in now. though you may never get to reach them, they are only phonecall away. on that note, promises are made to be kept. not forgotten or broken, no matter what. so if you ever need a helping hand, you will know. anytime. finally i can say out loud....i love you. one last time, goodnight, sweet dreams. =)
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i know how you love the blue skies. the skies will always be blue wherever you go. it's a gift from me. in times when you are low, you look down and the waters reflect that gorgeous view you love so much. blue skies everywhere to make you smile. keeping you feeling warm. a picture is worth a thousand words. but this picture contains a thousand of the same three words. a picture lasts longer. but somethings last forever. this may not be picture perfect but when i saw this, it just clicked.
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