very welcome to climb up this thing, and enjoy their dinner in a smelly, stuffy, and dark place. no, seriously, i am a very law abiding citizen.
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despite having talked about it, i remain in a very foul mood. but at the same time, what exactly is this "it"? what is it that i'm annoyed/ upset about exactly? perhaps i think too much; expect too much; worry too much. and i don't trust (God) enough. i lack faith. i can only hope and pray to snap out of this state soon and become my usual happy self again.
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i've been in an incredibly bad mood. terribly bummed. i think i know the reason; but somehow i think i'm trying hard to tell myself that that is not the reason. i don't want to be unreasonable or expect too much; but at the same time, am i? well, in comparing myself with others, i don't think i am. but maybe i'm wrong. i've always considered myself to be straightforward and frank - i don't believe in keeping things to myself. but now when honesty's required, i just can't seem to be honest. i mean, i don't even really know what to say, or how to say it. ah. whatever.
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every year, come this time, i look back and feel it's amazing how the year has passed so quickly. every christmas, i never fail to think to myself, "oh man, i still remember the last christmas..." and i do. last christmas, i remember i was at home talking to someone via sms. somehow, i felt too sick to eat our very yummy christmas dinner. i also felt unsettled. and i gave midnight mass a miss. with the blink of an eye; it's christmas time again. this time, i'll probably be talking to that same person via sms. but i dont imagine feeling too sick to eat. don't imagine feeling unsettled either. and i'm definitely going for midnight mass. (i just hope i wont have too much (if any) work over this christmas season! *xx*)
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"this is to remind me that i have a manly and fierce girlfriend." THANKS
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tomorrow marks the beginning of working life; for the rest of my life. suddenly, i wish i never went to law school. or uni for that matter. WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO??
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anagram without the la lor.
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ya so anyway, i think E and I are the most lazy, slack off couple ever. during study break, we watch movies, go out, slack around. now we have exams, and all we do is spend 4 hours (MAX) "revising" the day before. today's paper was bad - so bad, that i finished it in almost 1/2 the time given. i had absolutely nothing to say. civ on friday. O. M. G....... !! (oh, and p/s: the only reason why i managed to wake up on time for the exam today was because Mh sent me a message to tell me she was ALREADY at the bus stop waiting for me. if she hadn't texted me, i suspect i would never have made it to the exam hall on time..)
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this is the very huge and heavy gold bar i found on 171107.
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我找到了
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This blog entry is delayed. But anyway, i was at church that day, and the priest was talking about Jesus' birth i.e. how the angel came down upon Mary and told her that she, a virgin, was to conceive a child - the saviour of the world. The priest told us that Mary's decision to accept, was in exercise of her free will - while God planned for her to be the mother of our saviour, she could have said "no" if she wanted to. But how can that be? What if she did in fact say "no"? Surely God knew she would definitely say "yes" - surely he planned for her to say "yes"? And so that got me thinking, "is there such a thing as free will?" If we believe in "God's will"/ fate, then the decisions we make don't matter - because at the end of the day, do what we like, what's meant to be will be. So unless the idea of "free will" is the mere exercise of freedom to make a decision; we do not have free will in the true sense, insofar as the end has already been decided/ imposed on us. A possible counter argument could be that there are different paths we may choose to take - God has a different "end" planned for us, depending on which choice we make. In that way, our choice does have a bearing on the outcome (i.e. if I choose A, God's planned outcome for me is X; but if I choose B, God's planned outcome for me would be XX etc.) But then that doesn't work so well either. Because given that God is God (i.e. all powerful and ever knowing); he would already know the decision we will make. So even if there are a million different possible decisions with corresponding outcomes; in making a decision, there is again no free will in the true sense, because the outcome is already known. Therefore, I don't think we have "free will" in the true sense of the term. We have "free will" insofar as we can make decisions freely. But beyond the decision-making process, we do not have the power to will any particular outcome. What's your idea of "free will"?
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勁愛你. 勁勁勁~ oh, and on a seperate but related note, i also 勁愛-d "star dust". very muchly.
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Iz thomAs the trUHck not Ha-pi? ("is thomas the truck not happy?")
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i am very happy today. thanks. :)
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i really enjoyed myself tonight, though our grand plans for K didn't materialize. lol! When you have 7 girls sitting around, eating and chatting, the likelihood of moving your ass to go to the karaoke place (even though all it took was to get out of the damn restaurant and take the lift up) is, well, effectively ZERO. hah. But anyways, after leaving HK cafe and stoning around outside a random shop in Cine, we finally crossed over to Starbucks for more food and coffee (yea. I friggin couldn't sleep the whole of last night, barely slept today, and yet... i succumbed.) So here I am, back home, at my desk, 2:30am, friggin haven't slept in i-dont-know-how-long, friggin have to get the essay done, friggin gonna have a long day tomorrow babysitting the 2 french babies.... but I decide to blog. Very nice. Well, really wanna talk about the debate as to repeal of s. 377A (honestly, I never knew gay sex was a criminal offence). But I think I better get some serious work done. And then get some serious sleep. That can be saved for another day.
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erica was in town for a few days last week, so ahL & i rushed down to meet her for......... K! we've K-d together in Aussie, K-d together in HK; and now we have Singapore on the list. anyways, it's a shame she could only be here a few days. but we've already arranged our next outing. this time, in HK woohoo. dinner at yau ma tei again perhaps? p/s: speaking of K, the law babes are finally going tomorrow. i am so excited. especially to hear Sha sing in CHINESE. wahahahahaaa
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i am like. totally, absolutely bummed. like out of the blue. and i feel i can't function. and i don't wanna do anything 'cept sleep and be oblivious to whatever is bugging me.
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i'm a clever cat. meow.
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i'm not gonna say anything, save that this was a very timely reminder; so spot-on it's "scary"; and that it really really struck me. oh, i also want to say I'm not trying to preach or evangelize or whatever. my present take on the Bible is more personal than anything else. there are some really important lessons and thought provoking accounts there. so anyway. The parable of the persistent widow (Luke 18:1-8) Then he told them a particular parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary. He said, "there was a judge in a certain town who neither feared God nor respected any human being. And a widow in that town used to come to him and say, 'Render a just decision for me against my adversary'. For a long time the judge was unwiling, but eventually he thought, 'While it is true that I neither fear God nor respect any human being, because this widow keeps bothering me, I shall deliver a just decision for her lest she finally come and strike me'. " The Lord said, "Pay attention to what the dishonest judge says. Will not God then secure the rights of his chosen ones who call out to him day and night? Will he be slow to answer them? I tell you, he will see to it that justice is done for them speedily. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?" (From the "New American Bible")
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It's 6am and I've been awake since 11am yesterday. Despite a long night of singing K and clubbing right after; I just don't want to sleep. Perhaps I won't sleep then. In about 1/2 an hour, my grandma will be awake, and I can go downstairs to "surprise" her. Anyway, alot is going through my mind - so much so I don't know what exactly. I feel as though for a long time now, many things have been at the back of my mind; and tonight, they just decided to surface. I'm slowly becoming more and more conscious of my sub-conscious. If that makes any sense. Bleah. I think i'll just flip a coin. Heads for sleep, tails for no sleep. --------- update @ 1:59pm Heads. And so I slept. so much so I didn't hear the alarm go off at 10:30. Anyways, there's a relatively old song I've picked up and started singing again recently; and I really like this bit: 假如 天意讓我此生得不到你 不必需要有天意
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today, while waiting for the bus in chinatown/ opposite the sub courts, i saw an old lady strapped to a stretcher, head bleeding, and being carried onto the ambulance. the ambulance was there before i reached the bus stop, but she was brought there only after i had sat down, taken out my ipod, and listened to 5 whole songs. when i saw her, i had to fight back tears. and all i could do was pray.
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i'm not sure if anyone would wanna drink "white cat" fresh milk though.
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my dad known by many as "Uncle Henry" looks like a boy my friend has a crush on and shares the same name as the firm's court clerk my brother also known as "Master Luke" is a very charming 16 yr old and much loved by his sisters' (cradle-snatcher) friends
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AhL: if i become really fat, it'll be your fault, and you'd have to marry me. ALS: but i can't! i'm already engaged to claire... Claire: this is what they call "sam gork chi" in cantonese. we're in a LOVE TRIANGLE. AhL: it's okay, we'll have a ménage à trois then. ALS: what? AhL: "threesome" in french. (p/s: who's the one dating the french dude huh?)
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"show mi" is on this saturday, and i'm really looking forward to some great singing and a whole load of nostalgia (i'm expecting songs from way back in the late 90s woohoo). but i am so not looking forward to the fact that the guest performer is.............. *drumroll*....... my neighbour. and who, btw, happens to be a friend's sister as well. YAH. the friggin guest performer for this saturday's concert is from SINGAPORE. could it be any more anti-climatic?! don't get me wrong. i have nothing against stef sun (in fact, i think she's a good singer and has done the Singapore entertainment industry proud). but i expect to go to a HK superstar's concert to feel 100% HK....... not 100% AT HOME (literally, just a few doors away). show mi a surprise.
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so anyway, i love my aunty - the funky young grandma of 2 very cute frenchinese kids =) who, by the way, will be here to visit in less than 3 weeks. i. can't. wait. !! p/s: calvin, you better free up your days to take them out with me. don't tell me you need a visa, or your other friends need a visa, or whatever. hehehe.
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"faith is not about jumping to conclusions; it is concluding to jump". and so I am still deciding whether to take the leap. for the second time.
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I LOVE BUFFETS. and my family. =)
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yup. today i officially turn 23. twenty freakin three. boooo~ i remember being 19 and thinking 23 was old. haha. oh well, such is life. anyway, october's a month of bdays for me. mine aside, my mom's and dad's bdays are in october as well (my dad's a day after mine, while my mom's on the 25th). and so it signals a time of wonderful dinners and expanding tummies (as if i have not put on enough weight - yup, a sure sign of aging). i'm looking forward to tonight's family dinner though. i absolutely LOVE buffets =) well, though hardly any of my friends have this blog add (because i am private and antisocial and i want to hide); i'd like to say this anyway: thanks muchly everyone for your bday greetings! (oh, on a seperate note: i spent 40mins waiting with someone for a cab in chinatown last night. for a large part of the time we were standing at a pole watching cars go past. it felt sooo "sleeping prince". hurhur.)
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Definition: "A fat deposit in the upper-body of overweight/ obese males. Mainly found among white dudes, they resemble breasts". Expand your vocabulary with urbandictionary.com today.
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so anyway, i am actually stressed about completing all my assignments and passing the exams. while i can't imagine not being called to the bar; it seems like a real possibility at the same time. Fuck. and then there's that reality we all must accept: come december, we will all become slaves for life (forever and ever amen). no more holidays, no more free time, no more time for anything other than work. work. work. work. work. and more work. visited the site cien told me about. saw something there i really liked. it says: "you know you're in law school when you consider dropping out approximately every hour..." i remember wanting to drop out so badly in year 1. but 4 years later, not only have i graduated; i am now on my way to becoming a full-fledged lawyer. what the hell am i doing?
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and that familiar feeling of "mo yuen mo fun". *during an msn conversation earlier tonight* CLAIRE: omg i am such a bad friend! CAL: No la CLAIRE: i just don't want to talk about this anymore.. i'm sick and tired of it CLAIRE: seriously, someone complaining to me about relationships is like me complaining to you, "cal i think i don't have enough money" CAL: LOL. you bitchy slut! CLAIRE: but it's true! you can totally analogize it that way. CAL: ya.
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my fave coffee in a TAKE-AWAY cup. hoho. (pls refer to 2 entries ago) In other news, I have been terribly anti-social (been MIA-ing all outings with friends). Not good. I hope I snap out of this mood soon.
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went shopping with Mh yesterday - we haven't gone in AGES! anyways, it was a fantastic shopping trip. i had some really good buys, and i'm really excited to wear/use the stuff i got! hehe. got new bag; new shirt (with belt); new DRESS (don't worry, it's not the frilly/ girly kind. it's a bubble dress, grey in colour, and very plain); and new flip flops (they were 5 bucks - beat that!) well the shopping trip had to come to an end, thanks to class at the sub courts (BOOO~). but i'm looking forward to the next one already =)
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*while lining up for coffee* COFFEE LADY: having here or take away? CLAIRE: Take away please MEL: huh? aren't we gonna hang around here a while before going back? CLAIRE: yeah. but i like my coffee in the take away cup, whatever it is... MEL: oh, ok... CLAIRE: yeah, i don't know why... but drinking from the mug is just different... i love the take away cup! it's so on-the-go... MEL: hm yeah, i guess... CLAIRE: isn't it? it's just different! MEL: I mean... okayyyy. I don't really have anything to say to that...? i'm sorry, but that's just not something anyone would say! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *5 minutes later , having got our coffees and me coming back from the toilet* MEL: hey claire! guess what?! CLAIRE: what? MEL: I just got my FIRST call. (mel bought a new phone yesterday and she's really loving it) CLAIRE: um... okayy... MEL: Heehee! CLAIRE: ok, now *I* really don't have anything to say to that! MEL: But it's my first call! CLAIRE: oh come on! that is sooo much more random than me saying i like my coffee in a take away cup. (And then we go on to debate as to which is more random. yeah, it's just one of those things...)
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I find "acting" a very strange concept. In acting, one takes on a role that is not his real self. Taken literally, that would mean being aware that one's behaviour and emotions are artificially expressed; while expressing them. You are conscious of the fact that you are trying to be someone else. And yet, in order to be a convincing actor, one must be completely immersed in the role that he is playing. In other words: put yourself in a position such that you end up making that character your true self. You become that character. What are we left with then?
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SHIT. my computer hung!? i love this thing.
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in love with my joy - delirious. Though i think "De Lovely" didn't get good reviews, i personally liked this movie very much. Love the idea of a homosexual/bi-sexual man marrying a woman; the fact that they loved each other dearly; but their relationship was one of great friendship more than anything else. Also love the fact that he was a composer, and that she was his inspiration. Really love the song, "so in love" =)
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Before Cantonese pop took over the world, jazz and bossa nova were my only loves. Well, I decided to check back on them tonight - especially bossa nova. "It would be so nice..." - Indeed! Anyways, one really great song a friend introduced to me some time back (apparently the very FIRST bossa nova song ever): "Chega de saudade". So light, so effortless, absolutely chill; but with character. With a million Chinese songs on my i-tunes; this one's a jem =)
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